Friday, March 30, 2012

cougar legend


These days I’ve been attempting to take a chance in dating younger guys. Yes, even them I consider kids actually (translate: boys younger than my youngest cousin who’s now 21)… but not quite down that age bracket… but why not, too.

I didn’t know exactly why I was letting myself into it for months now until I mentioned it in a phone conversation with one 24-year old. That’s when I realized why I think I should also have faith in finding a suitable partner in mature and sensible younger men.

Yes, ‘Men’.

It dawned on me as I was explaining to this guy why I bother checking out boys his age that I too, was so much into older men a decade ago. Like ten-to-fifteen-years-older older men. And I had partners who were that much older than me in my 20s.

Prior to him asking me, I first asked him why he’s trying to be different preferring older men instead of the fitness first factory-made chinito looking bleached Korean hairdo-ed 20-something ‘Bi’(yot) and discreet (kuno) clones. He said, he couldn’t relate to them.

Fair enough I thought… although I still felt a bit uncomfortable with his stereotype hipster look… that’s somehow become a trauma to me since my recent experience with the Ex (breaking up with me for a younger in-crowd artsy hipster trash).

But going back to my realization in the middle of my conversation with the 24-year old…

To me, it was not just the usual illusion that I’d be able to find a suitable guy (suitable meaning mature older man) to be with but more likely because I’ve always felt that I have more mature sensibilities than most people my age and had no patience with them at all.

I thought, he was like me… I mean the 24-year old I was flirting with on the phone. He was so good in writing his blog entries and thought this one was a good candidate.

But… he turned out to be just another kid wanting to have sex with an older guy. Bleh!

That didn’t discourage me, though. So far, I’ve gone as far as chatting online with a few and even took one home.

It was a huge mistake though. He was just a kid inside that gorgeous and seemingly matured exterior. I let him jack-off before sending him home. Thought I owe him that at least.

But the quest for considering the age bracket in the inclusivity still stands to this day.

I still feel that I should consider. Or perhaps, it’s because I realize too, that at my age… the search for a potential partner is becoming a challenge.

Used to be a grown girl’s thing… but these days… it’s also become a grown gay man’s as well.

We all know that people normally get hitched or just settle down monogamously sometime in their 20’s… and one of the causes of the ‘doormat phenomenon’ is the fear of ending up single for the rest of one’s miserable life if she or even he (now) decides to break up and dare take on the uncertain long and winding road again. So, one normally decides to bear the misery of a toxic union, thinking that at least… she/he lives the rest of the miserable life with someone.

Until… the couple realizes in the eleventh hour that they’re already killing each other will they abruptly break it off and the new cycle begins. The more affected one drowns in abysmal misery and the one who’s doing better enjoys the new life back in the game. I know this very well, trust me. Tseh!!!

But anyway…

Going back to the original topic. The reason why I even bothered mentioning that is to give stress to a point. And the point is… that people your age are more likely already taken and/or trying to bear the downsides of their relationships because they pretty much got an idea too of how it is to be in your shoes.

So, you’re left with fewer options… but behind the temptation to settle on ‘any-any’ you know better now to stick to the game… and painfully wait to meet the right one.

Until… you realize that you can expand your clause. Bam!

My theory of this ‘cougar phenomenon’, thank you.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Carrie in Enid's 'Waiting Pool'

for the first time, someone had the guts to comment directly on an entry on my blog. Normally, I get private messages. most of the time, they are people I never even was previously acquainted with.

even some friends who read my rants from time to time don't even dare post their comments.

So, i chuckled on this new development. And i excitedly composed this reply.

"just read your comment and hahah... we don't really need to box ourselves in categories. Even sluts have different reasons for being so. ;)

anyway... hoping for some views at PR also has more to it than just plain vanity.


you see, sometimes you tend to think that at a certain age, you already understand sexual politics inside and out... but unexpected things happen and you find yourself with your jaw dropped in disbelief. you then crawl back to the dance hall of the crazy dating games with a bruised ego and a tired heart.

you realize that you thought you knew these games but the truth is... no one really does. and no one will ever learn. At least that's what i think.

the games never change, yeah... but they vary. and the next time you're in it... it's most likely not the same as the last one you played.

so... again, you subject yourself to the things you swore you'd never ever do again. and when pride looks you in the eye with the ugliest mocking smile... you just say 'bitch! outta my way. i'm on a mission.'

just now... i suddenly hear Enid (Carrie's Vogue Boss) saying "...what are you doing in my waiting pool?"


you're just 25... why in the world are you ranting my rants... hahahah!"