about having a 'pillow pal'

(July 31, 2011, 11:32:38 PM)
Today, I went to the wake of the grandmom of the guy I'm currently sexually involved with. Well, technically, we really haven't done it yet. But yes, we're very sexually connecting. I call him my 'pillow pal'.


He's a friend of a guy I was flirting with months ago. That guy was okay, in fact we we're good in bed. But my initial impression (and expectations) of him changed when he suddenly went from casual dating (with sex) to 'I-want-to-have-a-relationship-with-you-now' mode.


He knew the score right from the beginning and so i was surprised especially when he's the one who was actually content of the 'single-and-sexy' status. And it was ugly when I had to distance myself from him. Although, I made it sure he knew that I was doing us a favor.


Anyway, so his friend (the guy I'm kind of seeing now) and I became friends too after I added him in facebook. He's a very very charming guy with eyes you want to kiss. And the time we began texting, I felt weird with his endearments.


I don't know... but with me and my friends, we get to exchange endearments that way only after knowing each other for a while already. And so, I had to cut the chase.


After a few days, I asked him directly if we're entertaining flirtation because I get distracted with his 'friendly lambing' and told him it severely makes me horny and that it makes me want to make out with him.


To cut the story short, we agreed to be special friends who kiss and cuddle... at least for the meantime.


We share a lot of interests and we'll be making a short film documentary soon. He's an amateur Vegas editor and frustrated filmmaker.




So, going back...


At around 7pm, I was just saying goodbye to the family of my 'pillow pal' in the funeral when the other friend and pillow pal's Ex arrived.


It was awkward since I never had the opportunity to talk to the former date in person when I told him that it was best for us not to date anymore... not until the emotional attachment's already gone, at least.


There's a small talk. He walked down with me to the street. And the look on his face was the picture of a guy looking like he's been betrayed.


I felt like a cheat looking back at him.


But as I walked in the drizzle of the dusk... with Jim Chappell's "Gone" still playing in my mind (I bought the CD in a sale in trinoma the night before and thought that the music would be fitting for the funeral)... I thought about what might be unethical in the situation.


Days ago, 'Pillow Pal' and I talked about this sort of three-way situation... and we both agreed that we aren't really breaking any rule or betraying anyone or something. We didn't want his friend and former date of mine to know what's become of us because we want to spare him of unintended hurt... and yes, this... the feeling of being betrayed.

And I convinced myself that we aren't doing anything wrong.


I sense that the former date has feelings for the 'pillow pal' and they've always downplayed it. I sense too that the former date still likes me.


It's really awkward.


When I got home and finished my dinner... I felt somehow like asking myself if I did this subconsciously in revenge of the injustices I experienced from my Ex and his new bitch.

I felt like drinking tonight. So, here I am online... looking for available friends to join me. They're all busy doing their own thing.

Maybe later... I'll drink alone after logging out.