(September 21, 2011, 01:32:12 AM)
The other night, I was talking for hours again with this guy I dig but now gradually accepting that we'll just gonna be kadas.
The second to the last call (at 1am), he had to cut off the conversation. His semi-bf sent a chat message at fb asking why he couldn't call him.
I told him 'it's okay, baka importante' and thought it was just ok (din sa sarili ko)... I thought.
After he ended the call... I felt a bit like a bf snatcher. After a couple of minutes he called me again. I was already submitting myself to the agony of trying to sleep.
We talked for a while. We said good night.
This afternoon, I was at PUP to talk to some of my Open U Profs. As usual, I want to look at least like a grown-up student. I changed my shirt.
What usually happens when I pull up my hair into a bun is that my dear Cambodian wish ring gets entangled in it. So I removed it in the stinky campus restroom and repeated what I was doing.
Hours after, I realized that it was missing. Broke my heart.
I'm no superstitious guy but I sort gotten attached to it. See, I have always wanted one for some reason. Kept asking for one from my other best friend who's based in Thailand but she keeps forgetting every time she comes home. Got my ring as a pasalubong from my cousins who went on vacation to Thailand and Cambodia early this year.
I don't know but the whole time I was keeping it, I sort of kept fantasizing that it's like a silent friend I talk to in my head sometimes and ask it to back me up each time I'm making a change for myself.
In desperation, I went back to the restroom to look for it. It was already night at that time and it wasn't there anymore. I decided to post on the mirror my contact number on a piece of paper, said it's a matter of sentimental significance to me.
After exiting the campus, I realized that I actually left my number for the whole restroom users to see. Damn!
Mindlessly, i went straight home, hoping I could still catch my landlord who was waiting for my month's rent payment. He texted 'bukas na lang'. I was already on the bus to Nova.
Thought if he only texted earlier, I would have gone to the grocery instead.
So, when I got off the bus and saw a salon still open, I went in and decided to have a haircut. Probably, I somehow blamed my hair for the loss of the ring.
When it was done, I thought to myself it looked great. But then as I passed by a glass panel and inspected it, I realized it wasn't really that great... just okay.
Walking myself home, I realized... darn, there you go pulangtuldok... photography 101 reminder for you. Why the hell would salons spend extra for good lighting, duh?
Was entertaining vanity for a while when I got inside my unit. Took a mirror and flipped my hair here and there. Thought there's a Rustom Padilla (Big Brother days) look... and there's a Liam Gallagher (circa mid 90s) look too and... a Fanny Serrano look as well.
So, where the hell was that longer version of a Zac Efron 'Do' the cutter was talking about?
Was still a bit fascinated with the odd-looking hairstyle that looks more like a taupe when I received a text message.
It was 'The Ex'. He was asking if we could see each other sometime and have a drink.
Felt drained all of the sudden. I actually still have this tiny ache in my core right now that I also felt after reading it.
Texted my other best friend. She said 'Karma on the loose! Ask him what he wants'. Told her I can't.
And I really can't.
I can't afford to lose my ally in me. Because I always feel like I'm guilty for all the wrong things that's happening to him even when I know that I have no longer anything to do with what he's doing now to himself. Just as I have already began to convince myself that whatever issues that I'm facing now is my own... alone.
I just have achieved alcohol-free induced sleeps lately. I'm fighting the urge to drown myself in alcohol again tonight.