Sunday, September 25, 2011

rush... rush... hurry lover... baby come to me

(August 19, 2011, 09:00:11 PM)
I still get frustrated with Pillow Pal... oh did I mention that we sort of got a new lease on the 'pillow pals' arrangement... well, since his failed one week affair with a guy who turned out to be a Jesus freak... but anyway...

yeah, as i was saying...

Even when I already have made a promise to self that I'm not going to let go of my guard again on him... to protect myself from indulging him too much... I still feel so 'bitin' with him sometimes. hahah

I can't count anymore the many times 'nasemplang' n'ya na ako for asking for sex with him. Hahahah

But I just don't really get the types he prefer. Well, oo... kanya-kanyang type 'yan.

Kanina, we were texting. He was asking my opinion if he'd accept a three-way offer. Yup, at just passed noon. He said, he didn't know who texted him and I told him that more likely it's from one of those guys he slept with before.

Turns out, it was just some guy in PR he had a chat with before and he didn't like the guy.

After a few more exchanges of text messages, I sensed that he's actually feeling lonely again. So there I was, changing hats again... now, the personal counselor of Pillow Pal.

Once more I have to remind him of what his situation is and what weaknesses he has to overcome. I told him that he has to stop being too impatient and that he can't just pick up a guy his type randomly and him to automatically turn into the ideal man he's dreaming of.

(quote ko text ko ha? hahahah... wala lang, nagustuhan ko yung sinabi ko kasi...)

"Hindi instant noodles ang pag-ibig. hindi rin puzzle piece na magpi-fit-in kayo together the moment maipagtabi. More likely, you should look at it as an ugly slab of granite na nakikita mo namang may potensyal. Lililukin mo ito dahan-dahan hanggang magkahugis na ayon sa gusto mo pero with all consideration sa kakayanan lang nito.

It's hard work. and you should know that."

Once again, I asked him why the need to rush? That, it's not as if he's missing out in life. I told him what I normally share to some of my forever single friends who loved to pry on the details of my relationships before and thought that I lived a blissful life.

I told him... that of all people, he should know that having a partner isn't really a big deal. That it's ideally more like a stabilizer of the good things you already posses. Because the truth is... after the honeymoon stage, and when things subside to normalcy... your life could even be as boring as the time you were single or worse... becomes more complicated. Kasi nga when the relationship (or the partner) fails to provide you with emotional stability... it aint a good place to be in... it turns out, mas miserable ka pa nga.

Yes, may growth for both... lessons from the experience. Pero it's a daily diet of frustration.

So who said that people who are in a relationship are in a much better place?

I told him that my own personal life stopped because matigas ang ulo ko, thinking na may ibubuga pa yung relasyon ko... at pinatagal ko pa talaga ito ng ilantaon pa. After five long years, what actually happened was the opposite.

I missed out on so many opportunities in life.

I said, I perfectly understand his agony of the clod and bitterly lonely times alone lalo na sa gabi. But that we're all big boys now... not even novices in the love department.

We have to brave the silent storms of our beds at night. And that we need to protect ourselves from making the same old mistakes and master the art of patience... and wait... no matter how long it takes... until we meet the guy who would be willing to trade compromises with us.

Now, this one goes to everybody...

Rushing in to love is your fault. Not the guy who you want to instantly be the ideal guy in your head. He has his ideal version of you too in his head. If the both of you aren't ready to make rational compromises... there's no point in going further.

But going back, being the one who is at fault... how much more can you afford to hurt yourself again and again dahil lang grabe ang lungkot?

In which place do you want to be in?

Silently, as I was able to calm Pillow Pal's personal storm again... I wished that he would stop looking at people and start looking through them.

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